Wednesday, December 05, 2007

On Pregnancy

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of pregnancy. I know some of you are thinking, "Wow, it's really hard to tell what with this being your 4th and all." It's to you that I say, "Hahaha...that was original." Is my grumpiness showing? Sorry. Well, not really.

Pregnancy for me is absolutely a means to an end. It is a necessary evil that I have to go through to attain one of my favorite things: a baby. While I was pregnant with Memphis, a girl in my Sunday school class described how much she had loved being pregnant. She said that it was so special to her to know that her son was growing right beneath her heart. At that moment I was saddened and ashamed that I did not have that same reaction and I decided to stop taking it for granted. After all, it is a miracle for sure.

That lasted about 3 days I think. It's not that I'm not grateful, I'm just miserable too. I know that everyone has heard countless tales of pregnancy symptoms and I do not intend to recount all of mine here. Let's just say that I usually have about a month and a half of feeling good while pregnant.

I torture myself because I so anticipate the birth that I make the pregnancy seem interminable. June still seems so far away to me, I wonder if it will ever come. The pregnancy will be over and I will have a brand new human being to care for. Brand new. New skin, new hair, new eyes. New little tiny baby sounds. I love that part.

There are quite a few people who I know read this blog who do not know me very well. It is for your benefit that I feel the need to say that I am not usually a needy, whiny, selfish person. I know that I am right now. And it's not that I feel entitled to be this way. I can't help it, even when I try really hard. Ask my best friends, they don't like me when I'm pregnant either.

Give me a year to get my hormones back on track. Then you can see how sunny, happy, jolly, fun and wonderful I really am. On second thought, strike sunny and jolly from that sentence. I don't think I've ever been those things.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Nicole said...

Shut up. We still like you. I think if you were jolly I would throw up.

12/7/07, 9:01 AM  
Anonymous erica said...

there will be no sunny jolliness...I think Nicole would have to disown you LOL

12/8/07, 7:14 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

sunny, happy, jolly, fun and wonderful...you just described Santa Clause.

12/8/07, 10:22 AM  

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