Revenge!

Have you ever heard those parents, you know, the ones who's first child is about 35 1/2 months old and they have started to let down that "terrible two" guard? They think they have made it. Gone is the most trying year of their child's preschool life. They have a triumphant gleam in their eyes. They've congratulated themselves with silent cheers and rubbed it in the faces of everyone who said to "get ready!"

I just have to shake my head and laugh to myself. Should I warn them? Nah, that wouldn't be near as much fun as watching to see what happens when the second hand announces midnight on the day of that child's third birthday. All hell will break loose. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. The fear that strikes the heart of these poor, unsuspecting parents will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Three, not two, is the age of the devil child.

So, where did this whole "terrible twos" nonsense come from? I have a theory. I think way back in the dark ages (and by that, I mean before there was color tv) parents sat around and thought of ways to get revenge on their children for inflicting this year of turmoil upon them. They knew it had to be clever, something nobody would suspect. "Hey," someone said, "let's tell them that two is the worst year so they'll think the worst is over when really it won't even have begun!" Genius! It works too. Just when these poor parents begin to take a breath, let down their guard, and begin to think that life is looking up, BANG! Three happens. The will power exerted from that little body over the next year will be comparable to the amount of force it would take to shrink a bowling ball down to the size of a grape using only your hands. Oh, and you'll be just as frustrated.

So, is it cruel to let these new parents believe that two is the worst year? Yep. Are we going to let them believe it anyway? Yep. And so the lies of revenge will be perpetuated for thousands of years to come.