Saturday, October 28, 2006

Flying and Crying

I do not understand airplane rules.

Do you know why babies cry on airplanes? I do. I found out today. It's because it says they must in the flight attendant handbook. All babies on board must cry. There, in black and white. It must be true. Why else would they tell me that I had to remove my sleeping son from the quiet little sanctuary of his front carrier?

I had it all planned out. I have traveled with babies before. I know full well how much better the trip goes if the baby is asleep. THAT'S WHY I PUT HIM IN THE CARRIER TO BEGIN WITH!!

But no, apparently riding on a plane with an infant in a front carrier is akin to holding him out the window while driving 80 mph on a California freeway. It must never be done. The child must be awakened and therefore forced to scream for the remainder of the flight. Had I known about this ludicrous rule before boarding the plane, I would have made sure to pack lots of alcohol in 3 ounce bottles which of course would then be placed in plastic ziploc bags so that my baby and I would not be arrested on suspicion of a terrorist plot.

Can't wait for the return flight!

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Friday, October 20, 2006

Stay Away From Me

Way back when I was approximately 16 and 2/3 years old, I had a very minor fender bender with a parked car. The humiliating part? It was my best friend's car and she was in the passenger seat of my car as I careened backward into her driver's door. Lovely.

Since then my driving record has been perfectly clear minus a speeding ticket that I still resent.

Things began to fall apart on Tuesday afternoon when I was driving home with the kids in the car. I was cruising along at about 5 over the limit, which is pretty standard for me. Other people tell me I drive faster than that, but cruise control doesn't lie. Anyway I saw this crow flying straight into the path of my car. I began yelling, "Hey stupid crow, I'm driving here!" That made the kids double over with laughter. Then...The crow flew right smack into the front of my car. The kids stopped laughing and Cody started crying. I guess she thought I was supposed to swerve all over the road and endanger our lives to save the bird. And I'm sorry, but crows are disgusting animals.

I went on not really thinking anything of it except that if I were a crow and had the whole world to fly around in, I wouldn't choose a farm to market road as my stomping ground.

Then on Wednesday morning, I hit something much bigger than a crow. It was a truck. With a man in it. Dang. It was Carson's turn to cry. I'm pretty sure she thought we were goners.

So I've been thinking that surely my bad luck is over. Then today I was driving home from Target and another freaking bird flew out in front of my car. I think this one was a pigeon. I was going slower this time and I didn't say anything so that the kids wouldn't be further traumatized, but the tell-tale THUD gave it away. Two little heads began searching for what it was that we hit. So sad.

They say these things happen in threes. Does that mean I'm in the clear?


Sunday, October 08, 2006


Oh how the best laid plans can be rendered useless by the author of those plans. Why, why, why?

Why do I insist on frustrating myself so badly. It's a good thing I don't have a husband to nag because he would surely leave me. You see, if I had a husband here I would be forced to blame the state of perpetual chaos that my house is in on him. It would only be logical for me to do that.

Last weekend I took on the monumental task of putting away our above ground pool for the winter. It had been almost empty out there for a few weeks and the sight of it was driving me crazy. But, of course, when I drained it I "didn't have time" to put it away so when that incredible dust storm hit the pool became caked with a layer of the most stubborn dirt known to man.

This caused me to have to wait longer to put the pool away because now I would have to clean it before I could put it away. Dang it!!!

So there I was, out there last weekend, slaving away. Squirting, scrubbing, and squirting some more. Well it's funny how children find these tasks amazingly mundane and demand attention in the middle of them. I managed to stave off the masses until they were writhing on the ground in pain from the hunger that tormented them.

You see, I had worked right through lunch time and we cannot have that. Children must eat 3 WHOLE meals a day with snacks in between. By eat I mean stare at food and poke around at it a little. My children absorb nutrients just by being near the food. That is the only explanation. They do not eat and yet they continue to grow.

Anyway, I really could have gone back outside after retrieving food for them, but did I? Nooooooo. Why? Because I no longer felt like it. It could wait until tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next day.

Here we are on the seventh day. Can I tell you what my procrastination has won me? After all my squirting and scrubbing? After all that labor that is only fit for a husband? Well, it is now raining outside. Yes, raining. And it's that very distinct pool soiling rain. I am so proud of myself I can't stand it.


Monday, October 02, 2006

Best of September 2006

September went by so fast. Memphis recognizes me, his sisters, his teacher, and Nana and Pops. On the 22nd he rolled over from his tummy to his back. Yay! Carson held a baby chick at the fair and promised not to squeeze it. She also had a standoff with a little lamb. Hopefully those pictures will turn out. Cody demonstrated her lack of rational thought as she asked me to go on a ride called the Kamakazie with her. A five year old with a death wish? Well thankfully I could blame our not riding it on the height restriction and not on the fact that Mom's a chicken. Fair pictures will follow, but for now here's the best of September:

Carson's first day of gymnastics

Memphis loves his thumb

Carson had a sick day- angel face

At church Cody was told to draw something that Jesus did. She really has been paying attention! (sniff, sniff...)

Oh...this one speaks for itself.

Carson often peeks at me over the computer when I'm pretending to do homework.

One of those rare, loving moments we parents live for.

"Be careful Mom, I might eat that camera."

Future race car driver

Cody with the class teddy bear "Ted"

Oh, and I get a bonus this month too:

It wasn't a watermelon!! (see August) It was an adorable baby boy who makes my tiny baby boy look like a giant. Look at that hair! It's red! Oh he is so sweet. Don't you just want to squish him?

Hope everyone else's September was as cute as ours!